💍 "Marriage Feels Like A Trap": Man Torn Between Father's Warnings And His Own Dreams Of Family Life

/ A 34-year-old man reflects on his father’s lifelong advice against marriage, despite growing up in what seemed like a happy two-parent household.

From the outside, I had what many would call a stable, loving home. My parents were together through it all—raising us, smiling in family photos, supporting one another. But behind that image, my father always carried a different truth—one he made sure I never forgot.

A conflicted man questions marriage as he battles between his father’s caution
and his desire for family.

Ever since I turned 18, he’s been very clear: “Don’t ever get married.”
His belief? That marriage won't make me happy. In fact, he claims it might just ruin me—like it did him.

Instead of marriage, he encouraged me to have children with women I like, care for them well, but avoid the legal and emotional bind of a lifelong commitment.
He often said, “Marriage is about making a woman happy. Your happiness? That comes second—or not at all.”

Despite being with my mother to this day, he confesses it was only for our sake, not because he found fulfillment in their union. He speaks of:

• Sacrificed dreams

• Frequent conflicts

• A loss of personal freedom

• Resentment over things my mother did long ago

What’s hard to reconcile is the reality I lived through.
My father took care of us. He respected my mother. They worked as a team. If there were cracks in their bond, they hid them well—too well.
Because of that upbringing, I admire the idea of family. I want to build one. I believe in love, loyalty, and long-term partnership.

Yet his words echo in my head:

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"If you marry, don’t even think of divorce. Make it work, no matter what. But it’ll cost you your peace."

Now, at 34, financially stable, emotionally mature, and ready to commit, I find myself stuck.
Do I follow my father's bitter wisdom, or trust my own values?

I wasn’t raised to jump from one partner to another. I don’t want multiple women or fragmented relationships. I want one woman, one home, one legacy.

But every time I get close to that dream, his voice pulls me back:

“You’ll regret it. One woman will never be enough. Marriage is a cage.”

What Do You Think?

Is my father trying to protect me from repeating his mistakes, or is he projecting a personal pain that doesn’t have to be mine?

I’m still searching for clarity. Maybe you’ve faced something similar.
Should I take his advice and avoid marriage altogether?
Or believe in the love I grew up seeing, even if he insists it was just an illusion?

📌 Join the conversation—share your thoughts in the comments.